Imi Lo

By covering up our anger, prematurely moving into fake forgiveness, drowning our truths to protect others, letting go of our boundaries for surface harmony, we are bypassing an essential step in our attainment of emotional freedom. 

But how do we come to terms with our wounds? How could we, despite being deeply injured, move past and beyond our history? 

It may seem paradoxical at first glance, but the answer to healing from defensive non-attachment is actually to affirm our ultimate autonomy and resilience. 

We push away good things in life because deep down, we worry that we would not survive losses and heartbreaks. 

If we know we are strong enough to go through grieve, disappointment and heartbreaks, then placing our trust in someone’s hand would become much less threatening. 

Sometimes, in an intimate partnership, we could not help but act out of unrealistic demands, projections, and expectations, as if we are testing the limit of reality.

We often, albeit unconsciously, look to our current relationships to fulfil our deepest unfulfilled needs and longings, to plug the gaps in our psyches, and to heal where we have been wounded. When our partner disappoints us, the situation provides valuable information that points to our deepest longings.

Through awareness and reflections, we realise what we are deeply hungry for – someone to mirror our expressions, to celebrate our existence, for us to trust and occasionally rely on, or to share a sense of kinship and likeness. 

If we were to peel back, one layer after another, to the root of what now seems to be an unruly beast, we often find a tiny, fragile, tender seed of deprived need.

Because of their innate excitabilities, and the capacity to absorb and process a vast amount of information, they need a consistent supply of rigorous, ‘good quality’ stimulations, from a multitude of sources.

Physical activities, sensual comfort, emotional depth, intellectual discourse, cultures, adventures and having varieties in life— these are the essential nutrients for their health and optimal functioning.