Have you been told that you ‘see too much’, ‘hear too much’, ‘think too much’, ‘feel too much’?
Hello, and welcome.
This is a website written for intense, highly sensitive, gifted, and atypical humans.
Intense curiosity, intellectual excitability, emotional sensitivity, and being neuro-atypical are blessings. They may not feel like a gift at times, but with skills and awareness, you can learn to harness your strengths.
We live in a culture that does not fully understand or embrace this unique trait; intense and passionate individuals are told that they are ‘too much’, ‘too sensitive’, ‘too overbearing’, ‘too dramatic’, or ‘too emotional’. Many find themselves being misunderstood, plagued by shame or self-judgment, and unable to reach their full potential.
My goal is to help you answer these questions:
Is there something wrong with me?
How does being intense and being different affect my life narrative? How do I change my story?
How do I fulfill my potential?
“They said you were too much, but they never knew that you were just enough to light up the world.”
Being Intense, Highly Sensitive, and Different- Do You Feel and Live Intensely?
Emotional Intensity can be expressed and experienced in different ways; for a full description, see here.
You feel a constant stream of both positive and negative feelings — pain, despair, fear, excitement, love, and happiness.
Sometimes, feelings can become so powerful and compelling that you feel out of control, although you may not be able to name them (we call that Alexithymia).
On the flip side, you can be flooded by joy, be deeply moved by art and beauty, and have bursts of creative insights.
You are naturally excitable and passionate— even if you don’t show it on the outside.
In a social situation, you feel you ‘absorb’ other people’s emotions and can be overwhelmed by stimuli, noises, or information you perceive.
Your psychological distress is sometimes expressed in the body —migraine headaches, allergies, asthma, and panic attacks.
You form strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things, or find separation difficult from a young age.
You are sensitive to unspoken social nuances and relational dynamics. Even this overwhelms you, you cannot ‘un-see’ things, and you intensely dislike dishonesty, inauthentic people, and situations.
Being acutely aware of the suffering, hypocrisies, and complexities of life, you may constantly feel older than others around you, like an ‘old soul’ that has somehow lost his/her roots.
You are highly driven and can be ‘perfectionistic’, which can be expressed as chronic anxiety and restlessness.
You have incessant internal dialogues and thoughts; it feels impossible to stop your mind from running.
You live with existential angst, a sense of urgency, an impulse to move forward, and a constant need to learn and explore.
You experience existential depression over the meaninglessness of life, death, and loneliness.
You have been diagnosed/ misdiagnosed with mental illnesses such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or ADHD.
You may realize one day that you are indeed neuro-atypical.
Are You an Emotionally Intense Person?
Common Criticisms Faced by Intense People
“You are just difficult.”
“Stop thinking too much.”
“You’re too perfectionistic.”
“You overthink everything.”
“Why can’t you just be like everyone else?”
“You’re too sensitive and need to toughen up.”
“You’re too critical of yourself and others.”
“Why do you have to question everything?”
“You need to learn to fit in.”
“Why can’t you just be satisfied with what you have?”
“Why can’t you just let it go?”
“You worry about everything.”
“You take everything too seriously.”
“You need to learn to tone it down.”
“You overreact to everything.”
“You’re always so dramatic.”
“You’re too high maintenance.”
“Why can’t you just go with the flow?”
“You’re too much for me.”
“You expect too much from yourself and others.”
‘Haters Gonna Hate’- Rising Above Attacks as an Intense, Gifted, Highly Sensitive Person
“My feelings are too loud for words and too shy for the world.”
Challenges for Emotionally Intense, Highly Sensitive, and Gifted People
- Extreme and unpredictable mood swings, feeling like you are always on the verge of losing control.
- Shame, sensitivity to criticism and rejection, and overreacting in some situations.
- Perfectionism, burn-out or ‘bore-out’ at work, chronically restless, unable to relax or take pleasure.
- Impulsive and self-sabotaging behaviors that are not aligned with who you want to be.
- Feeling oppressed by the dominant values, unable to have a voice or a place in the world.
- Not fitting into mainstream society or culture, being or feeling isolated and alienated.
- Taking on other people’s emotions; Becoming overly responsible for things that happen between you.
- Feeling under-stimulated or over-stressed in relationships and friendships.
- Being drawn to the same type of partner/ relationship over and over, even when your needs are unmet.
- The fear of ‘coming out’ with your intensity, with the fear of being annihilated if you ‘stick your head out.’
- Feel numb and empty most of the time, except when the emotions erupt suddenly and uncontrollably.
- Existential guilt and despair, feeling hopeless and powerless in the face of uncertainties in life.
- Losing touch with your intuition and disconnecting from spirituality.
- Writer/ Artist’s block; Feeling stuck and unable to reach your full potential.
“I am a tapestry of imperfections, woven with threads of resilience and vulnerability. I refuse to edit my story; I will shine as I am, unabridged and authentic.”
The Wounds of Being ‘Too Much’ – The Shattered Light of the Gifted Child
You, the gifted child, came into the world with such vitality and joy — you see the world through kaleidoscopic lenses, every color and shape a wonder to behold.
Your mind is a maze of endless possibilities, and your heart beats with passion and intensity.
You broadcast your love to the world, scream at any injustice you witness, and react to your surroundings as swiftly and powerfully as passing storms.
But then something happened.
You find within you something that says, ‘You are too much.’
It wasn’t there when you came into the world.
Now it permeates the entirety of your being.
Suddenly, you are no longer that shining bright fire.
Your passion and intensity begin to dwindle.
Where did the demon come from? From where have you gotten the message ‘You are too much’?
Oh dear, from the get-go.
From when you were in your mother’s womb, perhaps.
It may not be anyone’s fault, but the tragedy is that who you are goes beyond what your parents can ever comprehend.
They nod and smile as you eagerly share your latest discovery, but you know they are not really hearing you.
They do not get your humor, finding it too complex or obscure, though they occasionally pretend to laugh.
Their faces blank out when you talk to them about complex ideas and happenings in the world, for they prefer the mundane, the safe, the comfortable.
Disagreements led to closed doors and turned backs, with difficult conversations avoided at all costs.
When your emotions burn too bright, they turn away and say you are overreacting and overly sensitive, labeling you the family’s black sheep.
They tell you to tone it down, be humble, fit in, and be more like the others.
From the way they look at you, or not look at you; from what they say to you, or not say to you, all tell you ‘you are too much’.
Your soul is simply beyond their grasp, beyond their reach, something they cannot control, temper and teach.
They may try, but in the end, all they do is misunderstand.
What choice do you have but to dim your light just to survive?
You learned to hide your gifts, downplay your intelligence, and blend in with the crowd.
You became a shadow of who you truly are, a mere fraction of the brilliance that lay within.
Day after day, you were made to feel like a burden — as though your very existence is a fire to be extinguished.
It is no wonder that you carry these wounds with you today.
No wonder you struggle to trust and open up to others, fearing that they will reject you just as you have rejected yourself.
But I didn’t say all these to make you despair.
Have faith, for hope is there for you.
It may surprise you, but it’s never too late to reclaim your light.
I’ve seen it again and again with those in their 50s, 60s, and 70s.
They embark on this journey because even a single day of living as their true gifted selves, even a fleeting moment of finding a kindred spirit, makes it all worthwhile.
Of course, it takes courage to look back as you fear the floodgate of sadness to shake your safe, seemingly contented life.
But then again, why are you reading this if everything is truly okay?
You know life is passing by; you know, on some level, time is running out.
You miss your true self that lies beneath.
Healing might be stormy, but then if you face it, the storm of healing will pass.
If you resist it though, it will haunt you.
The wounds of ‘you are too much’ will not disappear but remains a beautiful scar — and as a veteran of life, you can wear it with honor.
Maybe it is time to step out of the shadow and pluck out that toxic snake that whispers ‘too much’ in your ears.
Let them see the beauty in your kaleidoscopic mind,
pour out the passion in your heart, and broadcast your love for the world.
If they turn away, let them go.
Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.
Perhaps some were only meant to cross your path.
Some don’t deserve a place on your path at all.
When you open that frozen door, there is a world waiting for you to seize.
Toxic Family Dynamics and Complex Trauma
“The existential loneliness is the price we pay for being conscious of ourselves.”
– Rollo May
Working with You
My goal is to be by your side on your journey from healing to thriving. I will ask you questions that aim to spark reflections and inspiration. I am coaching you to know what your ideal life without emotional turmoils looks like and to live a life that is aligned with your values and integrity.
We may look into your past wounds, but the goal ultimately is not to dwell on blaming but to see if we can help you break entrenched mental blockages, and to release what needs to be forgiven. I want to help you make real changes stay, and whilst life turbulence is inevitable, to not fall back to dysfunctional patterns, compulsive behaviours, or despair.
What makes this work different?
1. A focus on emotional intensity, high sensitivity, and giftedness
Unlike general life coaching, we will focus on helping you make sense of the experience of feeling and living with intensity. More specifically, the life themes of owning your intensity and sensitivity, living authentically, and releasing your suppressed creative potential. Our discussion may draw from a synthesis of Western psychology and Eastern healing traditions, such as:
Coaching with creative arts, Shadow work, Jungian/ Depth Psychology, Mindfulness, Buddhist Psychology, Japanese Psychology, Philosophical Coaching, Schema Work, Mentalization, Dream Analysis, Psychosynthesis, MBTI, and The Enneagram.
2. Non- pathologizing and holistic way of working
I am not against medication or psychiatry, but the traditional medical system may pathologize the most natural human expressions such as grieving the loss of connection, anxiety in a time of rapid change, or anger for injustice in the world.
Intensity, as a natural human expression, is not a pathology in itself. It is important that you honor and celebrate your unique gifts to live a life with vibrancy and authenticity. When you present yourself to the world as who you indeed are, you naturally move towards liberation and self-fulfillment.
Because actual progress comes from lasting changes in all aspects- physical, emotional, and behavioral, our coaching process is integrative and holistic. Instead of having a fixed, rigid modal, we will find out what works best for you.
3. Addressing the problems at their roots
Personal developmental work is not a plaster- a temporary fix, but more like good nutrition. Drip by drip builds you up from the inside and allows you to grow resilient in the face of the challenges life offers.
We hope to make lasting shifts that dispel your struggles at their roots. This is more than just an intellectual/ cognitive process but involves physiological, emotional, and energetic changes.
An eggshell looks tough on the outside but is delicate and soft on the inside. It is incredibly sturdy and resilient, and the breaking of it signifies the birth of a new life. Emotional intensity is what makes you unique and powerful. Many individuals who live intensely have a lot to offer and deserve a vibrant, meaningful life.
I look forward to being on this journey with you. For a more detailed explanation of what we may achieve in our work together, please refer to the Roadmap.
Being Emotionally Intense, Highly Sensitive and Gifted: You Are Not Alone
Human beings are social creatures. However, being exceptionally emotionally sensitive and intense may mean that you live on the margin of society. It can be challenging to meet friends who get you if you live in a remote area, but even in big cities such as London and New York, you may still feel like an outsider looking in.
With the internet, we can now find refuge in virtual connections through online research, art, music, and writing. Knowing that there are others like you— even when they are a thousand miles away- is a huge relief.
Below is a collection of stories from people who identify as being highly sensitive and emotionally intense:
Stories From People Chapter I
Books For Intense, Highly Sensitive, and Neuro-atypical People
The book Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity is currently available in English, French, German, Chinese and Russian. In the book, you will be guided to:
Debunk myths and mental health stereotypes about emotional sensitivity and intensity
- Heal from the past, and let go of the shame and limited mindsets that hold you back.
- Develop resilience and find your way through challenging work, life, social, and family situations.
- Build healthy and fulfilling relationships.
- Express yourself truthfully and reach your creative potential.
“In the realm of heightened perception, I wander as a lone wanderer. Sensitivity as my compass, solitude as my constant companion.”
“Silence, I discover, is something you can actually hear.”
― Kafka on the Shore
Emotionally Intense, Sensitive, Gifted and Neurodivergent: From Misfit To Triumph
Up until now, you have not yet grappled with the value of your qualities. You did not get why you feel angsty, impatient, restless, and depressed with issues other people find acceptable. The truth is,
You are a fast-moving machine in a world that does not keep up.
You are the truth seeker in groups that are complacent about hypocrisy.
Your thoughts are critical and challenging when others opt for a comfortable life.
You are a passionate lover in a culture plagued with fear and separation.
In our society, individuals who feel things deeply are pathologized, institutionalized, or encouraged to numb out their vitality through drugs. Emotionally intense people are held back by their internalized shame, past baggage, and existential guilt.
Sensitive and intense people are sick, weak, or ‘too fragile for the world’. We mustn’t collapse into the trap of pathology. Rather than shrinking and hiding and taking a smaller and smaller slice of life, you can harness your strengths by learning to ground and build resilience.
Emotionally intense people are like canaries in the coal mine. In the old days, miners sent canaries into unknown pits. If the canaries stopped singing, they knew the mine was toxic, and they would stay away. When there are woes in the world, sensitive souls are amongst the first to take the hit. Your sadness, anxiety, and rage are not wrong; they are warning signs of the world’s pain.
Your sensitivity and intensity are the doorways to your fullest potential, and you are not serving the world by playing small.
If I were, to sum up my message in three sentences, they would be:
One, there is fundamentally nothing wrong with you.
Not only that, you are uniquely positioned to do something, create something, and stand up for something.
Your sensitivity and intensity are not hindrances but DOORWAYS to your fullest potential.
Once you have embraced your sensitivity, intensity, and giftedness, you will realize that it leads you to your freedom and peace. You will realize that you have no choice but to yield to what has been given to you. You will experience unspeakable peace by surrendering to what seems true to you. You can finally stop fighting, stop trying to pretend to be who you are not, or suppress and hide your sensitive and intense nature.
I look forward to going on this journey with you.
Taking Up Space: Do You Let Yourself be Seen and Heard?
What happens when people open their hearts?”
“They get better.”