Letters to the Intense Minds

 I Thought Everyone Meant What They Said - You were not being difficult, you were following rules that you had assumed everyone was following. You assumed others wanted the same. For most of your life, you operated on a set of principles about how people treat each other, and you never once thought they were unusual, until reality painfully taught you otherwise. You only found out they were different through repeated conflicts, where people always blamed your personality, calling you 'too much', 'too pedantic', 'too sensitive'. When there… Read More »I Thought Everyone Meant What They Said
 On Aging and Closing Doors - Sometimes, when we dread something, it is not the thing itself that we dread, but the prospect of a shrunken future. What hopes and dreams might I lose? What doors will, should this thing happen, be forever shut on me? So many of our anxieties, our panics and our midnight terrors, hinge on that. Sometimes a door closes violently. A marriage ends, and all visions for a shared future, growing old beside that person, watching children become adults together, the… Read More »On Aging and Closing Doors
 Neurodivergent Identity Is Not About Being Special - People often misunderstand what it means to recognise that you are neurodivergent or gifted. You may read a description of giftedness, ADHD, or high sensitivity and feel a jolt of recognition so strong it is visceral, a sense of finally seeing your own experience named on a page. And yet something stops you from claiming it. You may think: Am I trying to say I am special? Who am I to say I am gifted? Is this just me trying… Read More »Neurodivergent Identity Is Not About Being Special
 On Unfinished Relationships, Existential Terror, and Dreams - I realize I have not written as much this month. I find myself in an 'absorbing phase' rather than a generative one, where I am focusing on taking in rather than putting out. But I still want to touch base with you all! While my own writing has been quieter, I have had a few podcast conversations that I would love to share with you. I spoke with Chris Wells about intensity and giftedness. We went deep into Dabrowski's Theory… Read More »On Unfinished Relationships, Existential Terror, and Dreams
 The Buried Voice: Hermeneutical Injustice and Invisible Childhood Trauma - As philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein said, “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” Without the words to name or describe something, our ability to comprehend and communicate it becomes restricted. The absence of words to describe something doesn’t make some of our experiences any less real, but it does limit how they are understood — by others and even by ourselves. Sometimes, society is yet to catch up with reality, and are slow to develop the language… Read More »The Buried Voice: Hermeneutical Injustice and Invisible Childhood Trauma
 Everything is empty, and that’s freeing - Everything Is Empty—And That’s Freedom In Western psychology and culture, emptiness is often viewed as a void to be dreaded—a hollow absence of meaning or purpose that signals something has gone wrong. In psychology, emptiness is usually associated with conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder, addiction, and depression. This pathologization of emptiness is not surprising in a tradition that emphasizes individual substance and essence, coupled with a modern culture that glorifies constant productivity and self-actualization. The hustle culture, in particular, treats… Read More »Everything is empty, and that’s freeing
 When Someone Tells You How To Live Your Life -   That flash of anger when someone pushes their “shoulds” onto your life — is to be listened to and trusted. (your anger, not their words.) Trust your heart’s signal that says: This is not right. You are the one who has walked this fierce and solitary path — you know every jagged turn of choosing the road. Nobody said it was easy, living the life of a non-conformist, freethinker, black sheep, misfit, free spirit, rebel, contrarian, Ubermensch. Nobody said… Read More »When Someone Tells You How To Live Your Life
 The Slam — Coping with a Defensive Parent - You express a small concern, a mild disappointment, a gentle request. And the moment you do, they shut down. Fiercely, violently, abruptly. Not just sometimes. Every time. Like clockwork. You are not allowed to be anything but their perfect, content, compliant child. You only have the permission to be happy, grateful, and quiet on demand. The minute you venture beyond these prescribed emotions, the wall slams down. They turn away, walk away mid-sentence, counter-attack with “after all I’ve done for… Read More »The Slam — Coping with a Defensive Parent
 The Love of Your Life May Not be a Person - Today's letter is one of those 'musing' that has been personally pertinent to me. I hope some of you will resonate with this and get something from it!    “The Love of Your Life” It can be very strange to reach a point in your life and suddenly feel a lingering sense of unease, restlessness, and dissatisfaction with the life you are living...without knowing why. You look around and see what appears to be a great, even perfect life -… Read More »The Love of Your Life May Not be a Person
 What’s Wrong with Admitting ‘I was a Victim’? -   In recent years, with the proliferation of self-help, motivational speaking and the social pressure to adopt ‘positive thinking,' the word ‘victim’ has become a sensitive one.  If we were to admit, or even to suggest that we were victimised, we may face judgement from society, or have well-meaning friends stopping us from our ‘victim mindset.’   The idea of ‘victimising’ oneself now gets demonised as being something unhealthy, weak and even immoral. Sometimes, just mentioning negative events, traumatic events,… Read More »What’s Wrong with Admitting ‘I was a Victim’?
 Do You Drown, or Do You Run Away? - Resilience is found in a middle ground where you neither drown in emotions nor avoid them altogether. Typically, when it comes to the landscape of our emotions, we find two ways of traveling that lie on two opposite ends of a spectrum. Metaphorically, one is the ‘Artist’s Way’. The other one is the ‘Jester’s Way’. A variety of factors, from our innate temperament to our upbringing to cultural influences, affect our emotional tendencies, and what we do when an emotional… Read More »Do You Drown, or Do You Run Away?
 Stuck in Life  — On Indecision, Regrets and Procrastination -   'Stuck in Life' Feeling —  Indecision, Regrets, and Procrastination "Stuck in life'-- We are stuck in life when we refuse to face the givens of life. When we do not reconcile with the human given that we are limited, eery ‘symptoms’ such as procrastination, chronic indecision, stagnation, inertia, and self-sabotage will emerge, making us feel stuck in life.  To mature spiritually, we must look at our past and courageously grieve the paths not taken, but honor the paths that we have taken.  There… Read More »Stuck in Life  — On Indecision, Regrets and Procrastination
 Do you suffer from Toxic Nostalgia? Shedding expired relationships and moving on -  Dear Ones I hope you have survived/ enjoyed the festive time, and are looking forward to a new start. Before we dive in, I would like to share something personal with you:  There is a black hole in the back of my psyche, and it is called ‘I have done everything wrong and made all the wrong decisions in my life’. That hole is deep and dark, filled with regrets and grief. When things don’t go well, my feelings often… Read More »Do you suffer from Toxic Nostalgia? Shedding expired relationships and moving on
 Release Our Family, Free Our Souls- What Forgiving Them Really Means - By covering up our anger, prematurely moving into fake forgiveness, drowning our truths to protect others, letting go of our boundaries for surface harmony, we are bypassing an essential step in our attainment of emotional freedom. But how do we come to terms with our wounds? How could we, despite being deeply injured, move past and beyond our history?  Read More »Release Our Family, Free Our Souls- What Forgiving Them Really Means
 On Our Fear of love - It may seem paradoxical at first glance, but the answer to healing from defensive non-attachment is actually to affirm our ultimate autonomy and resilience. We push away good things in life because deep down, we worry that we would not survive losses and heartbreaks. If we know we are strong enough to go through grieve, disappointment and heartbreaks, then placing our trust in someone’s hand would become much less threatening.  Read More »On Our Fear of love
 Our Quest For Love-    What do we Really Want from Our Partner? - Sometimes, in an intimate partnership, we could not help but act out of unrealistic demands, projections, and expectations, as if we are testing the limit of reality.We often, albeit unconsciously, look to our current relationships to fulfil our deepest unfulfilled needs and longings, to plug the gaps in our psyches, and to heal where we have been wounded. When our partner disappoints us, the situation provides valuable information that points to our deepest longings. Through awareness and reflections, we realise… Read More »Our Quest For Love-    What do we Really Want from Our Partner?
 About Addictions and Compulsions - If we were to peel back, one layer after another, to the root of what now seems to be an unruly beast, we often find a tiny, fragile, tender seed of deprived need.Because of their innate excitabilities, and the capacity to absorb and process a vast amount of information, they need a consistent supply of rigorous, ‘good quality’ stimulations, from a multitude of sources.Physical activities, sensual comfort, emotional depth, intellectual discourse, cultures, adventures and having varieties in life— these are… Read More »About Addictions and Compulsions
 “Do People Hate Me?” – Surviving Judgement, Criticism and Rejection when you are a Non- Conformist - How can you be yourself, even when you are different?   Can you live with full integrity, without being attacked or annihilated? We shall explore how to survive situations and conventional settings in which you don’t neatly ‘fit in,' or even inadvertently attacked or put down. We will discuss how to manage painful emotional flashbacks, set personal and psychological boundaries, bounce back from interpersonal injuries, and ultimately, use these hostile situations as opportunities to learn and grow. Read More »“Do People Hate Me?” – Surviving Judgement, Criticism and Rejection when you are a Non- Conformist
 I’ve done Everything I can to Fix Myself…now What? - “MY CBT therapist told me those were ‘irrational thinking,’ which made it worse- now I just blame myself;”“ I have gone through my childhood trauma many times, but when I argue with my partner, I still behave like a five-year-old!” Our psyche, like everything else in nature, has its wisdom. When our psyche is fully equipped, we could not stop the move towards wholeness even if we try.  Read More »I’ve done Everything I can to Fix Myself…now What?
 “So, I Quit”     –  Why stripping away your False Self is the best way forward - What do you do when no one is watching? With whom do you feel most at ease? When does your natural humour, playfulness, and spontaneity come out?Many of us have developed an adaptive social self, or a way of being that is carefully edited, partially silenced and rigidly held. In this letter, I start with a personal sharing about my struggle to walk away from the conventional myths of what we must do and the cultural confines of what it means to be… Read More »“So, I Quit”     –  Why stripping away your False Self is the best way forward
 Loneliness and Fitting in - Can you feel truly belonged, if you are not being yourself? Here is the news:You are allowed to tell someone you are angry, annoyed, frustrated, even when there is no ‘justified,' ‘logical’ reason. You are allowed to tell the world the strength and velocity of your feelings.You are allowed to stop putting on that fake smile. You do not need anyone’s permission for all the intensity inside of you to come up and come out.   Read More »Loneliness and Fitting in
 Are you Hiding in Your Head, Away from Your Life? - Can you be emotionally intense and emotionally empty at the same time? Do you have a mind too busy, yet a heart that feels vacant?How is it that you can be both too full and too empty? Read More »Are you Hiding in Your Head, Away from Your Life?
 Spiritual Practice for the Emotionally Intense - Spiritual practice is the act of harnessing a kind of soul strength that is deeper than what meets the eyes.By having the ability to see, hear and know the mysteries that lies beyond science and logic, we can draw power from something much greater than ourselves.Here are four spiritual lessons that are especially relevant and useful to the emotionally intense and spiritually sensitive individuals. Read More »Spiritual Practice for the Emotionally Intense
 Anger at Parents in Adulthood: 4 Steps to Release it - Intellectually, we know that our parents cannot change who they are; Rationally, we know that the past is in the past. On many levels, we have forgiven them.  However, these do not change the emotional reality that is raw, heavy, reactive, uncontrollable and full of rage. Read More »Anger at Parents in Adulthood: 4 Steps to Release it
 What ‘Frozen’ teaches us about being an emotionally intense person - Our ultimate yearning as human beings is to be seen, heard, and accepted for the full extent of who we are.... You do not have to choose between power and love, or between freedom and connection. You can have both. Read More »What ‘Frozen’ teaches us about being an emotionally intense person