Tired of Toxic Positivity- A Philosophical Discussion Defending Dark Moods-Dr. Mariana Alessandri, Imi Lo

 

I am excited to share something special with you today—this truly is one of my favorite conversations lately!

I had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Mariana Alessandri, a brilliant modern philosophy professor whose work has inspired me. We explored a powerful and often overlooked topic: the misunderstood role of “dark moods”—emotions like sadness, anger, anxiety, grief, and depression.

Her work challenges the cultural obsession with happiness and positivity. Dr. Alessandri critiques the rise of “toxic positivity” and the tendency to treat these emotions as problems to be fixed. Instead, she reframes these emotions as natural, meaningful, and even essential to living a rich and authentic life.

We covered so much, from the harm caused by suppressing emotions to the limitations of modern self-help and simplified interpretations of Stoicism. Dr. Alessandri also shared how existential philosophy offers a liberating perspective—helping us embrace emotional honesty without judgment or shame.

About Dr. Alessandri:

Website: https://www.marianaalessandri.com/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/mariana.alessandri/

The book: https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691215457/night-vision

What we discussed: 

• How society undervalues dark moods like sadness, anger, and anxiety
• Why toxic positivity is harmful
• Why the binary view of emotions as “positive” or “negative” is limiting
• Why modern self-help version of Stoicism can be problematic
• Why we need more nuanced language for emotions
• Why dark moods are essential to a meaningful life

https://youtu.be/plA5qlT5TeM

Summary of My Conversation with Dr. Mariana Alessandri: Defenders of Dark Moods

This episode stands out as one of my most special conversations! I sat down with Dr. Mariana Alessandri, a philosophy professor from the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley, to explore the vital yet often misunderstood role of so-called “dark moods”—emotions like anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, and depression. We discussed her work, including her book The Defender of Dark Moods, which challenges the societal obsession with happiness and optimism. We also critique “toxic positivity”, popular Stoicism, and advocate for a paradigm shift that values the full spectrum of human emotions, embracing their complexity and significance.

To start, we explored how society’s prioritization of happiness stigmatizes darker emotions, often framing them as signs of personal failure or mental illness. Emotions are often categorized as either “positive” or “negative,” a binary perspective that oversimplifies and harms our understanding of emotional experiences. In contrast to this culturally popular notion, we instead discussed how dark moods are not only natural but deeply valuable. Emotions like anxiety, anger, and sadness are often indicators of emotional intelligence, sensitivity, and creativity. They can reveal profound truths about ourselves and our surroundings, offering opportunities for growth, reflection, and connection.

A central theme of our discussion was the cultural pressure to maintain a facade of perpetual happiness, often at the expense of authenticity. This toxic positivity, amplified by the self-help industry, invalidates genuine emotional experiences by framing dark moods as problems to be fixed rather than facets of the human condition to be understood. Dr. Alessandri argued that this pressure alienates those who experience darker emotions, making them feel broken or abnormal.

To enrich our discussion, we also reflected on how cultural differences shape emotional expression. Dr. Alessandri shared her experiences of moving from New York, where open emotional expression (including complaining) is more culturally accepted, to South Texas, where politeness often masks deeper feelings. This shift inspired her to explore the legitimacy of complaining as a form of emotional processing, a theme she examined in her widely-read 2014 New York Times article. Together, we discussed how cultural norms around politeness can suppress genuine emotional expression, and how finding language to articulate complex emotions can be liberating.

Philosophically, we delved into ancient and modern approaches to emotions. We critiqued the resurgence of Stoicism, which she sees as overly focused on emotional suppression and self-control. While acknowledging Stoicism’s historical usefulness during chaotic times, Dr. Alessandri argued that its modern interpretation often reduces emotions to obstacles that must be overcome, sidelining their depth and richness.

In contrast, we discussed existential philosophy, which embraces the entire range of human emotions, including those deemed dark or uncomfortable. Dr. Alessandri suggested that existentialism offers a more compassionate and holistic framework for understanding emotions, one that validates their complexity and necessity.

Then, we explored how dark moods like anxiety and anger can be reframed as strengths rather than weaknesses. Dr. Alessandri described how anxiety signals emotional intelligence and a deep awareness of life’s uncertainties, while anger can be an act of self-respect, setting boundaries and highlighting injustices. By allowing ourselves to sit with and explore these emotions—rather than rushing to fix or dismiss them—we can foster deeper self-awareness and more authentic connections with others.

We also discussed how language and societal structures shape how emotions are perceived and treated. Dr. Alessandri critiqued the language of mental health, which often pathologizes dark moods, and called for a more inclusive vocabulary that reflects the legitimacy and complexity of emotions. We emphasized the need for societal narratives to evolve, creating space for authentic emotional expression and moving away from judgment toward compassion.

Dr. Alessandri and I talked about the broader implications of embracing emotional diversity. She urged a collective shift toward normalizing and honoring all emotions, including those that are uncomfortable or stigmatized. By doing so, we can build a society that fosters deeper understanding, acceptance, and compassion for ourselves and others.

Ultimately, this conversation invites us to reconsider how we view emotions. By defending dark moods, we advocate for a more nuanced, inclusive, and compassionate approach to emotional life. Rather than striving for relentless positivity or suppressing uncomfortable feelings, we encourage embracing the full range of emotions as integral to a meaningful life.

In a world that often demands artificial cheerfulness, Dr. Alessandri’s insights remind us of the profound value in acknowledging and embracing the darker corners of our emotional landscapes. By doing so, we can cultivate greater self-compassion, deeper relationships, and a more authentic understanding of what it means to be human.