I spoke with philosopher Tom Cochrane to explore death anxiety, happiness, and how we cope when existential dread surfaces. Tom has been developing a comprehensive philosophy for over 20 years, addressing personal well-being, ethics, aesthetics, and the nature of mind. His philosophical journey was driven by childhood anxieties, particularly death anxiety, and it took him two decades to reach a point where he could write productively about it. He is currently writing “Happiness for Mortals,” structured around issues that arise at different points in life, with death as one of the final chapters.
We began with the classic philosophical arguments against fearing death. Epicurus and Lucretius proposed a symmetry between the non-existence before birth and after death, questioning why we fear one but not the other. Others argue that immortality would be undesirable, invoke Stoic acceptance of inevitability, or frame death as a natural return to the cosmos. Tom acknowledges these arguments are intellectually sound, but he is candid about their emotional inadequacy. They rarely dissolve the terror when it actually arrives.
What emerged as particularly significant: fear of death intensifies when we vividly, viscerally imagine our own non-existence in the first person. When the confrontation feels immediate and embodied, panic follows. Tom suggests that shifting to more abstract, discursive thinking can reduce this panic, though he warns against over-intellectualizing as a form of avoidance.
Tom’s central thesis concerns what he calls the “will to live,” a summation of all survival-oriented desires. He argues that this will to live typically declines with age or illness. Because it fluctuates, current terror is a poor predictor of how we will feel when death is actually near. This reframing offers genuine consolation.
We then addressed the topic of religion and consolation. For Tom, ultimate comfort does not require a cosmic designer. It comes from recognizing the world’s intrinsic value. He advocates for “aestheticism,” seeing the universe as beautiful, sublime, dramatic, and worthwhile on its own terms. This perspective is available to both atheists and theists. Tom pushes back against the patronizing notion that poverty prevents aesthetic appreciation. Even those with minimal resources engage in small art projects and remain attuned to beauty.
Tom challenges the notion that “life is absurd” as the default atheist position. Scientific order and deep coherence argue against pure randomness, even without divine providence.
On self-sufficiency, Tom’s critique is pointed and distinctive. A fully self-contained life becomes emotionally flat, likened to ‘stale lemonade’. Humans are “contingent to the bone” and flourish through embraced interdependence and risk, not through isolation.
He distinguishes between practical and aesthetic valuing. Beyond utility, we can appreciate things for their own sake. Cultivating aesthetic appreciation, particularly through making art, enhances well-being and provides a durable way to value the world. Tom’s advice for developing this capacity is straightforward: make art yourself. Taking photos, writing stories, drawing pictures all attune you to the world’s glories. Art making plays a crucial well-being role.
Tom defines happiness as “a pattern of successful love,” a view that is explicitly anti-Stoic. Rather than detachment, he advocates for full engagement. This means orienting life around people, practices, and places that are finally valuable, and loving them in ways that sustain their qualities. Love brings vulnerability to grief and attachment, but the risk is worthwhile.
When it comes to philosophy, Tom makes a technical distinction: you cannot love abstract concepts like wisdom itself because they lack independent status. But you can love philosophy as a practice, or love a person, because these have history, qualities, and can be nurtured.
When discussing obstacles to human flourishing, Tom identifies competition as a major block. While partly rooted in human nature, competition causes unhappiness when we find ourselves in contention with others, feeling passed over, or desperately wanting what someone else has. The basic constituents of a good life are available to anyone, but competitive dynamics often block access.
The key insight: we have control over our imagination. Even when it runs away from us, we can redirect it and build better habits of attention.
Please follow Tom’s work and consider his books for further exploration.
About Tom Cochrane:
Born in the UK, Tom completed his BA (hons) in philosophy at University College London, followed by an MA in music composition at Birmingham Conservatoire, and a PhD in philosophy at the University of Nottingham under Gregory Currie.
Following his PhD, Tom was a postdoctoral fellow at the Swiss Center for Affective Sciences, University of Geneva (2007-2010). He was then an international visiting fellow at the Sonic Arts Research Center, Queen’s University Belfast (2010-2012), before moving to the University of Sheffield as a lecturer (2012-2017). After a brief position at the University of York in 2017, he joined Flinders in February 2018.
Tom’s main areas of expertise are the philosophy of mind (particularly emotions) and philosophy of art/aesthetics (particularly music). He also has interests in metaphysics and ethics.
He is the editor of The Emotional Power of Music (Oxford University Press, 2013) and author of The Emotional Mind: A control theory of affective states (Cambridge University Press, 2018) and The Aesthetic Value of the World (Oxford University Press, 2021).
Tom’s latest book, The Aesthetic Value of the World: https://academic.oup.com/book/39016
Imi Lo is an independent consultant who has dedicated her career to helping emotionally intense and highly sensitive people turn their depth into strength. Her three books, Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity, The Gift of Intensity, and The Gift of Empathy are translated into multiple languages. Imi's background includes two Master's degrees—one in Mental Health and one in Buddhist Studies—alongside training in philosophical consulting, Jungian theories, global cultures, and mindfulness-based modalities. Her multicultural perspective has been enriched by living across the UK, Australia, and Asia, alongside her work with organizations such as Doctors Without Borders and the NHS (UK). Throughout her career, she has served as a psychotherapist, suicide crisis counselor, mental health supervisor, and trainer for therapists and coaches. You can contact Imi for a one-to-one consulting session that is catered to your specific needs.