Borderline Personality Disorder does not define who you are

BPD as a diagnosis has been far too misunderstood and stigmatized. Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is one of the most stigmatized conditions there is. Having ‘symptoms’ of BPD, such as emotional outbursts or suicidal thoughts, can be extremely painful, but it does not take over your entire identity.  Unfortunately, the majority of research literature and internet resources focus on the negative aspects of BPD, often forgetting that behind the symptoms is a whole person.

People assume that when you are diagnosed with a ‘mental illness,’ it is a bad thing. The truth is, behind the diagnosis, there is a whole person who, alongside their struggles, has creative gifts, empathy, deep love for the world, and infinite potential.

BPD is the target of more than its fair share of stigma by mental health practitioners, the media, and the general public. Many resources on the internet focus on the negative aspects of BPD, perpetuating the misjudgment around it. When people focus solely on the negative symptoms, they forget about the person behind the label.

But behind the label of BPD is a unique individual with their own strengths, resilience, and positive characteristics. If we focus solely on the negative symptoms, we risk diminishing the person’s value and neglecting their potential for growth and positive contributions.

Many people with BPD are deep thinkers, intuitive feelers. Contrary to popular belief, many BPD sufferers are highly introspective and self-aware.

This is not to glorify mental illnesses or invalidate the pain of living with emotional storms. As someone who has been given the BPD label, what you need is not more judgment. Indeed, BPD is a serious mental health condition that causes genuine suffering and can be life-threatening. Professional treatment, including dialectical behavior therapy, Schema therapy, mentalization-based therapy, and other evidence-based approaches, has proven life-saving for many people. Seeing your experience as connected to sensitivity does not mean bypassing the need for proper clinical support. You can hold both truths simultaneously: that your intensity and perceptivity may be gifts that were misunderstood, and that you may also need skilled therapeutic help to develop the emotional regulation capacities that were never properly cultivated. Recovery requires more than simply reframing your narrative. It demands real work, often with professional guidance.

 

“seek and learn to recognize who and what, in the midst of inferno, are not inferno, then make them endure, give them space”

― Italo Calvino, Invisible Cities

 

Even When You Have Borderline Personality Disorder…

You may have deep empathy

Indeed, you may temporarily lose perspective or act erratically when an emotional storm takes over. Because of your struggles in relationships, the push-pull pattern, and chaotic attachment style, some people might misunderstand your nature and say you lack empathy. This is, however, an unfair and faulty assumption. Many people with BPD identify as being an ‘empath’. An empath is someone with so much empathy that they feel others’ pain as their own; they sometimes cannot separate their own emotions from those of others.  Certain psychological theories may explain why this is: It might be due to the overactive activity of your mirror neurons, the unique wiring of your brain, certain hormones in your physiology, or a volatile childhood environment in which you were ‘trained’ to become hyper-vigilant (you might have had to detect early warning signs of your parent’s anger to protect yourself and your siblings).

Furthermore, your personal experience with emotional pain has granted you a profound understanding of what it means to suffer. This understanding allows you to offer solace and support to those who are sad, anxious, or grieving.  Psychologically, just being in the presence of someone who understands their grief can be extremely comforting. Your ability to connect on an emotional level, to truly see and acknowledge their inner turmoil, provides a sense of validation for them.

It is important to honor and embrace this gift of understanding because it enables you to be a beacon of compassion and support for others. However, you must also take care of yourself and set healthy boundaries. The weight of others’ pain can sometimes be overwhelming, and knowing when to draw a line is important to maintain your emotional well-being.

BPD and Attachment

You can still be highly perceptive

Some research suggests that people with BPD have an increased ability to detect facial expressions and subtle mood swings compared to people without BPD. This heightened perceptual ability has led to many joking comments among people with BPD and their friends about their “psychic abilities,” But this perceptual ability brings both blessings and dangers.

On the one hand, the ability to detect hidden emotions and perceive subliminal dynamics can be very valuable. It enables you to navigate social situations better and understand the true intentions of those around you. This perceptive ability can also contribute to your personal and professional success, as you can make astute observations and decisions based on your keen intuition.

However, this also comes with challenges. Your ability to recognize hypocrisy, injustice, and deception can make life difficult, as you may find it hard to ignore or tolerate such behaviors. It can be disheartening to repeatedly witness the discrepancy between people’s words and actions, leading to increased frustration in your lifelong quest for authenticity and fairness.

Remind yourself to embrace your perceptiveness as a valuable quality and see if you can develop mentalization skills along the way so you can turn it into an asset. It is also important to find a balance between paying attention to the emotions of others and caring for your own well-being. You can harness your intuition’s power while maintaining your emotional balance by cultivating your self-awareness, setting boundaries, and seeking support when needed.

 

Others may not see it, but you love deeply

Others may not always see or understand it, but people with borderline personality disorder do have the ability to love and care for others. Behind the emotional turmoil and violent mood swings lies a heart that feels exceptionally deeply. Love for someone with BPD is not superficial or fleeting; it is a deep and all-encompassing experience.

Someone with BPD often loves in a way that transcends conventional definitions. Since they know what it is like to be atypical, they know how to embrace the uniqueness of each person. They can often see beyond the surface, connect with others on a soul level, and appreciate the inner beauty that lies within.

And since they have been deprived as a child, they do not take anything for granted. Thus, they have the ability to appreciate the small gestures, subtle nuances, and unspoken words of their partners that can go unnoticed by others.

Indeed, for someone with BPD, their love can also be accompanied by fear and insecurities. The fear of being abandoned or rejected can lead to problems in maintaining stable and healthy relationships. However, despite these difficulties, the love that people with BPD show is genuine and profound.

Partner with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder): Surprising Benefits and How To Make it Work

Channeling your experience into art

Many people with BPD channel their pain visually, poetically, musically, or otherwise. Historically,  gifted and talented artists, writers, and actors/ actresses have made meaning out of their mental distress and existential anxiety.

The pain experienced within BPD can often defy the limitations of verbal expression. In these moments, the arts can become a powerful channel through which your soul finds its voice. By tapping into your creative essence and using artistic mediums to express your innermost struggles, you reclaim your power and refuse to be confined by victimhood.

Through creative expression, you extend a heartfelt reaching out to the world. In sharing your artistic creations, you become a beacon of connection and understanding for others who may be grappling with similar emotions. There is solace in knowing that somewhere out there, someone awaits the reassurance that they are not alone in their pain, that there is another individual who can truly comprehend and empathize with what they feel.

When you find a language for your emotions through creative outlets, you embark on a journey of inspiration. Your art becomes a bridge, capable of evoking profound emotions and stirring the depths of the human experience. By bravely sharing your creations, you have the potential to touch hearts, spark conversations, and build communities- even just virtual communities.

In inspiring others through your art, you plant seeds of hope and resilience. You offer a glimpse of possibility, reminding those who witness your work that healing and growth are attainable. Through your vulnerability and the raw authenticity of your creative expressions, you provide a space for others to explore their emotions, find solace, and discover their creative outlets for self-expression.

“Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

― Banana Yoshimoto

 

You know what it means to have invisible trauma

Unlike a physical injury or disability, BPD is invisible. It is, nevertheless, one of the most painful conditions anyone could have. You might also have suffered from other invisible trauma such as childhood neglect or emotional abuse.

The suffering of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often dismissed or overlooked, particularly when they appear fine on the surface. However, you understand firsthand the depth that can lie beneath a facade. Your experiences have granted you profound compassion and insight into the complexities of human emotions and struggles.

Many people with BPD are gifted activists who are passionate about the rights and voices of others. Their personal experiences with pain and injustice can spark a burning desire to make a positive difference in the world. This advocacy work is often driven by a deep understanding of the importance of acknowledging and recognizing the suffering of all people, regardless of how it may be masked or hidden.

Through their own journey through the depths of emotional pain, people with BPD develop a unique perspective and sensitivity to the suffering of others. They know firsthand the impact of social and systemic factors on mental health and well-being. This understanding drives them to fight for social justice, make marginalized voices heard, and create spaces of inclusion and acceptance.

Through their advocacy work, people with BPD can make a real difference by using their own experiences and empathetic nature to uplift and empower others. By transforming their pain into meaningful action, they strive to create a more compassionate and understanding society where the voices and experiences of all people are valued and respected. This is when they channel the advantages of borderline personality disorder into a gift for not just themselves but humanity.

May you continue to use your own compassionate spirit and join those who use their personal stories to inspire change and advocate for the rights and well-being of others. Please trust that your empathy and commitment have the power to impact the world around you significantly.

Finally: You may not feel it, but you are exceptionally resilient

BPD does not have to break you; it shapes you, forces you to look inward.

Like a resilient tree, you may bend under the weight of challenges, but you do not let them get you down. The pain and despair you have experienced have given you a deep understanding that each day is a precious gift.

Your identity goes far beyond the superficial fluctuations of mood swings. There is a core of yourself within you that is unwavering and determined to embrace life in all its vivid complexity. You are defined not only by the challenges you face but by your unwavering commitment to live, grow and embrace your authentic being.

Your journey has equipped you with a unique perspective that can inspire and encourage those struggling with their own issues.

As you continue to navigate the terrain of BPD, remember to nurture and care for yourself. Practice self-compassion, seek support when you need it, and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.

“it is being honest 

about 

my pain

that 

makes me invincible.” 

― Nayyirah Waheed

 

Your Right To Be Fully Human

Coming to terms with a diagnosis can be daunting, but please don’t believe all your gifts could be taken away from you just because you were given the label. While we cannot control external judgments, it is on us to go from surviving to thriving, to not let the past haunt us, and to stand up for our rights and shine as dynamic humans.

You do not need your friends or family to understand you in order to move forward. Unlike the situation you were in as a child, you are no longer powerless. If people insist on scapegoating or gaslighting you, you have the power to walk away. If you think about all the trauma, suicidal spells, and relationship wounds you have bounced back from, you will know how strong you are at your core. Walking away despite our society’s pressure is not easy, but it is what you deserve.

Wishing you well on your path of self-discovery and embracing the fullness of who you are.